Updated: Sep 4, 2018
My twisted fingers somehow managed to find an equally twisted counterpart. A snuggle fit, was it to be?
We met in the same circumstance as of the picture above. A cup of coffee and a lot of books. I was lost in my own world busy and struggling to keep up with the surmounting pressure on me. It was the time when we first met, when I laid my eyes the very first time on you.
And it struck me!!
I Knew ours was a difficult relationship to sustain, I knew it was going to kill me, I know now I was right in every way. After all there was a lot of differences between us. We were like North trying to meet South, Like sky trying to meet with the land over the horizon. And it faded equally as beautifully like a sunset.
I was so naive, so immature and knew all of it was going to be damaging to me, but still I can't stop myself. I believe that is what people call as destiny and the Gods master plan. We met and sparks flew off, boy was that a sight to behold. You and me together. A shabby looking boy and a genuinely beautiful You!!! I bet we made a lot of people jealous.
But just like the silverware looses its shine over a period of time, it happened to us as well. After all how can we be an anomaly in this harsh world which is usually harsher on people around you. The sparks started dying, I felt like I was being choked in this relation, seemed like I was not able to breathe with each passing day. Every passing day was getting tougher and tougher. I was deteriorating. And then I realized- I was DYING. With every breath I was taking with you I was slowly closing in to be dead. It was painful, it still is!
World After you!
People are right you know, It needs a lot to stand on your feet again when it all ends. But now I am ready
I always knew my decision of calling it quits was going to be very difficult and very very painful. I am living with that pain every day. There is some invisible push that wants me to get back to you again, to again run my fingers on your peculiar lines!! I miss the touch, I miss the feeling of holding you,of having you close to me. But i know I am done for good now, there is no turning back. My knees might tremble but my will should not. So here we are now. I have stopped loving you. I hope its forever. I hope I can sustain.
I am trying alternatives, Hook ups, casual dating just whatever I think might work. I think it can help but by just being distractions. These flings will never give me the peace you used to, but on the other side I can breathe, I dont feel like someone is choking me to my death.
Finally- I am a NON SMOKER NOW!
It was Good till it lasted but I am better off it, took a lot of efforts and a lot of painful compromises from my end. My hookups with the Hukka(Sheesha) and Vapes are going on and though not as satisfying as being with you it works just fine.
Was it worth it? YES!!! After all a painful death is always a scary and avoidable circumstance. Would I not die now? Certainly I would. But I wont die coughing and after making my loved ones - A passive smoker.